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[wingstosee]

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[bu773rfly]

[More quavery rambling crowds the back of Erika's throat. She closes her eyes and breathes slowly, conspicuously, to settle it, fingers curling closed on Venus' hand.

She has no idea what she was just talking about, or what thought processes went into what she said. That's the most frustrating part of crying, for her, that different parts of her mind start racing at different speeds and things get lost when they come back down to pace. There's the general shape of the topic, and roughly the flavor of the outcome, but they refuse to go solid. Venus, and how Erika feels about Venus, which is as muddled and many-natured as anything else in the world. Did it go well? It must have. It at least didn't go badly. Venus is still here, physically and otherwise.]

...I won't be happy unless I'm positive too. That's what makes being involved so...hard.

[oh fffffucking hell speaking of which.

Sigh. S i g h.]

I didn't plan on crying on you when I invited you. All told, I'm actually not that messed up about this.

[She opens her eyes for that but has to look at the wings and not the face because, really, if this is "not that messed up" it kind of makes her look bad and that's embarrassing. Please take her word for it?]

[wingstosee]

[ that gets a laugh out of venus - soft and genuine. ]

I don't really ever plan on crying? It's only just recently been... a thing for me. It was really hard for me to cry before- [ her voice cuts off, and after a moment she continues quietly. ] You know.

[ the eyes on her wings drop down to meet erika's, looking gently back into them. even if they're easier to look at, they're still a part of venus - that much should be clear. ]

[bu773rfly]

[You know. You know? She thinks she does. There are as many reasons for getting into hacking as there are hackers carving out space in Kowloon, but certain patterns emerge. Erika nods, and then shrugs with the shoulder not pinned to the ground, then nods again a bit more freely.]

It's something that - most of the time, it just - makes people feel bad. Once or twice is fine. But I'm tired of hurting people. It doesn't help. I'd rather-

[She breathes out through her nose and - slides her other hand under Venus'. Hand sandwich. Handwich?]

...I wanted to help you. And that would help me.

[Which uhhhhh didn't happen.]

oh my god is this thread set in *june*

[wingstosee]

It doesn't make me feel bad. It makes me feel worse when I can't do it and it just sort of builds up? I'd rather just get it out so I can move on.

[ hand... sandwich?? venus stares down at it with a good half of her hands before bringing her other hand on top of erika's. now it's a doubledecker. ]

You kind of did, though? Sort of. I get it if you don't feel that way though.