Venus ♀ (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
wingstosee) wrote2018-04-12 01:19 pm
wingstosee) wrote2018-04-12 01:19 pm
Entry tags:
ic inbox (reverie)
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text / audio / video / action
Is this how I... Wait, is it recording?
Crap.Um- hi! Leave a message? art credit code credit
♀
text / audio / video / action
Is this how I... Wait, is it recording?
Crap.Um- hi! Leave a message? art credit code credit
i mean... yeah
testosterone will do that. haha. it's kind of messed up like that.
[ what ]
um
what sort of things
were you trying to reveal to the world?
i'm sorry, i don't want to assume anything...
but you were just saying you kept yourself hidden
and it seems really awful if you didn't give that same privilege to others :(
testosterone will do that. haha. it's kind of messed up like that.
[ what ]
um
what sort of things
were you trying to reveal to the world?
i'm sorry, i don't want to assume anything...
but you were just saying you kept yourself hidden
and it seems really awful if you didn't give that same privilege to others :(
SH3 SOUNDS PR3TTY 1MPORT4NT TO YOU
1 TH1NK 1'D L1K3 H3R, TOO >:]
TH1S 1S 4LSO 4 S3CR3T TH4T YOU C4N'T T3LL 4NYON3 BUT 1 L1K3 HUG3 DORKS
1 US3D TO H4V3 SOM3ON3 4ROUND L1K3 TH4T
SH3 THOUGHT SH3 W4S TH3 HOTT3ST SH1T 4ROUND 3V3N THOUGH SH3 W4S 4 G1G4NT1C DW33B
1 ONC3 C4UGHT H3R K1SS1NG 4 POST3R OF SOM3 HUM4N 4CTOR 4ND
1 TH1NK 1'D L1K3 H3R, TOO >:]
TH1S 1S 4LSO 4 S3CR3T TH4T YOU C4N'T T3LL 4NYON3 BUT 1 L1K3 HUG3 DORKS
1 US3D TO H4V3 SOM3ON3 4ROUND L1K3 TH4T
SH3 THOUGHT SH3 W4S TH3 HOTT3ST SH1T 4ROUND 3V3N THOUGH SH3 W4S 4 G1G4NT1C DW33B
1 ONC3 C4UGHT H3R K1SS1NG 4 POST3R OF SOM3 HUM4N 4CTOR 4ND
oh my god.
oh my god??
do you remember his name? this is VERY IMPORTANT
oh my god??
do you remember his name? this is VERY IMPORTANT
[pause . . .]
yeah I guess so
[Thanks, Venus.]
uhhh
I mean, shit, this is something you'd be better off asking ryo
demons were possessing and killing people and no one knew so we were trying to let people know
so... people could fight against the demons I guess?
[There are honestly portions of the plan that he's hazy on. He just trusts that Ryo's got it all figured out.]
huh?
well yeah but
I mean these... they were demons. they weren't human anymore, their hearts were gone
all they care about is hurting and killing people
so yeah I'd want to make sure people could defend themselves against that
but dont you get that? you got possessed and you're still you. it's different for us
but other people might not see it that way so I keep myself hidden
otherwise they might think I'm just another demon when I'm not
[there's a lot to unpack here]
yeah I guess so
[Thanks, Venus.]
uhhh
I mean, shit, this is something you'd be better off asking ryo
demons were possessing and killing people and no one knew so we were trying to let people know
so... people could fight against the demons I guess?
[There are honestly portions of the plan that he's hazy on. He just trusts that Ryo's got it all figured out.]
huh?
well yeah but
I mean these... they were demons. they weren't human anymore, their hearts were gone
all they care about is hurting and killing people
so yeah I'd want to make sure people could defend themselves against that
but dont you get that? you got possessed and you're still you. it's different for us
but other people might not see it that way so I keep myself hidden
otherwise they might think I'm just another demon when I'm not
[there's a lot to unpack here]
okay!
okay don't panic
do you remember the movie he was in?
or what he looked like?
i'm not really good with faces but i'll try my best!!
okay don't panic
do you remember the movie he was in?
or what he looked like?
i'm not really good with faces but i'll try my best!!
i'm pretty sure ryo wouldn't want to tell me? haha.
besides i'd kind of rather talk to you about it.
it's different talking to someone else who gets it.
[ except it's rapidly becoming clear that maybe that isn't what's happening. she fights down the initial surge of mortified anger when she sees those words - fight against the demons, weren't human anymore, possessed - and tries to reason things out. surely he means something else, right? or he's from a different universe?
but the problem is, she's never been the greatest at thinking. so she gives up barely a minute in, just typing out- ]
you sound like my mom.
[ it's a helpless expression of everything she's feeling at once, wrapped up into almost a joke. but it's not a joke, is it? it's real, it's terrifyingly and frighteningly real. ]
hey akira
what does it mean to be a devil to you?
besides i'd kind of rather talk to you about it.
it's different talking to someone else who gets it.
[ except it's rapidly becoming clear that maybe that isn't what's happening. she fights down the initial surge of mortified anger when she sees those words - fight against the demons, weren't human anymore, possessed - and tries to reason things out. surely he means something else, right? or he's from a different universe?
but the problem is, she's never been the greatest at thinking. so she gives up barely a minute in, just typing out- ]
you sound like my mom.
[ it's a helpless expression of everything she's feeling at once, wrapped up into almost a joke. but it's not a joke, is it? it's real, it's terrifyingly and frighteningly real. ]
hey akira
what does it mean to be a devil to you?
he...
I meant to tell you he's usually not that way. I've actually never seen him like that
something weird mustve happened but he couldnt even tell me what
but uh. okay. I'll try my best
[He's just the brawn in their operation, he leaves all the brains to Ryo.
(Except when his heart interferes and he deviates from the plan. And that's why, back home on a rooftop in Tokyo, Koda is still alive.)
He doesn't really have any idea what she means by that. It's a bit of a kneejerk reaction of his to recoil a bit, to feel a vague pressure upon a wound of his own that was still quite raw but which he was also entirely and purposefully ignoring, unable to comprehend the gravity of it yet.
All he knows is that he doesn't think it sounds like a good thing, and one he doesn't understand. Because he assumes her mom wasn't really involved in fighting demons.
He doesn't know how to respond, so he doesn't. The additional question at first seems like a lifeline, but then he questions that too. Because it wasn't exactly right?]
I'm a devilman, not a devil
[He would add this is all how Ryo explained it, but he gets the feeling she doesn't want to hear about Ryo again right now.]
I mean I dont really know
I've got the heart of a human and the body of a demon and I've already told you how it feels sometimes
but beyond that, well
before all this happened to me I barely ever stood up for myself, I could barely do anything, I could barely help anyone
and now I can, and I do, and it felt really great at first but sometimes it gets kinda out of hand
...is that what you wanted to know?
[Because he's still confused.]
I meant to tell you he's usually not that way. I've actually never seen him like that
something weird mustve happened but he couldnt even tell me what
but uh. okay. I'll try my best
[He's just the brawn in their operation, he leaves all the brains to Ryo.
(Except when his heart interferes and he deviates from the plan. And that's why, back home on a rooftop in Tokyo, Koda is still alive.)
He doesn't really have any idea what she means by that. It's a bit of a kneejerk reaction of his to recoil a bit, to feel a vague pressure upon a wound of his own that was still quite raw but which he was also entirely and purposefully ignoring, unable to comprehend the gravity of it yet.
All he knows is that he doesn't think it sounds like a good thing, and one he doesn't understand. Because he assumes her mom wasn't really involved in fighting demons.
He doesn't know how to respond, so he doesn't. The additional question at first seems like a lifeline, but then he questions that too. Because it wasn't exactly right?]
I'm a devilman, not a devil
[He would add this is all how Ryo explained it, but he gets the feeling she doesn't want to hear about Ryo again right now.]
I mean I dont really know
I've got the heart of a human and the body of a demon and I've already told you how it feels sometimes
but beyond that, well
before all this happened to me I barely ever stood up for myself, I could barely do anything, I could barely help anyone
and now I can, and I do, and it felt really great at first but sometimes it gets kinda out of hand
...is that what you wanted to know?
[Because he's still confused.]
[ devilman? it's a word she's never even heard, but it's one she can put together easily enough. it means he doesn't think of himself as the devil. no, it's more than that- he knows the devil is there in him, and he hates the idea of accepting it.
his devil isn't acceptance at all. it's anger.
there's silence from her end. seconds tick by, then minutes. and finally, a good ten minutes after akira sent his message, she manages: ]
yeah.
that's all i really needed to know.
i guess you should probably know something?
and it's... we're not as alike as i thought
i was kind of hoping we were? haha.
it's not like that at all though.
i'm not like that.
my heart's not human.
and i'm not a devilman.
i'm a devil.
and it feels like you deserve to know that.
[ it's not his fault. she misunderstood what was going on the whole time - that's squarely on her.
doesn't really make it hurt any less, though. ]
sorry.
i hope this doesn't change things too much.
his devil isn't acceptance at all. it's anger.
there's silence from her end. seconds tick by, then minutes. and finally, a good ten minutes after akira sent his message, she manages: ]
yeah.
that's all i really needed to know.
i guess you should probably know something?
and it's... we're not as alike as i thought
i was kind of hoping we were? haha.
it's not like that at all though.
i'm not like that.
my heart's not human.
and i'm not a devilman.
i'm a devil.
and it feels like you deserve to know that.
[ it's not his fault. she misunderstood what was going on the whole time - that's squarely on her.
doesn't really make it hurt any less, though. ]
sorry.
i hope this doesn't change things too much.
[Sometimes that's what the devil is. It's just an inbound instinct and impulse to destroy and defile everything you saw, and that's what he would've done if what remained of his human heart didn't hold him back.
He waits. He can't sleep, not after this. He's still confused, wondering what it was that he said wrong.
When the communicator buzzes he almost doesn't want to look at it, but he does.
Now it's his time to not respond, digesting the turn in the conversation for several minutes and then, with a painstaking slow speed at first (but one that gradually increases as he continues), begins to peck out his response.]
that doesnt matter to me venus
you cried for me the first time you met me
you're nice and kind and funny, you care about things and wanna try to make them better, however you can
I dont really understand how exactly things are different but
the demons I've seen aren't like that
when they take a person over, all the good that person ever had is gone
they do what they want and they don't care who they hurt. hell, most of em seem to love it
and even when you
really hope that there's something left in them that cares
that's the way that you remember it
there's not
there wasn't anything left in my dad when I
and after what he'd done
[The raw wound he keeps carefully out of his field of vision pulses painfully.]
you may be the devil or whatever but you're not like them
I didn't know you before you were like this but it must've either kept you the way you were inside or just made you kinder
but demons arent like that
and that's what I am, or at least a part of me
and you deserve to know exactly what that means too
He waits. He can't sleep, not after this. He's still confused, wondering what it was that he said wrong.
When the communicator buzzes he almost doesn't want to look at it, but he does.
Now it's his time to not respond, digesting the turn in the conversation for several minutes and then, with a painstaking slow speed at first (but one that gradually increases as he continues), begins to peck out his response.]
that doesnt matter to me venus
you cried for me the first time you met me
you're nice and kind and funny, you care about things and wanna try to make them better, however you can
I dont really understand how exactly things are different but
the demons I've seen aren't like that
when they take a person over, all the good that person ever had is gone
they do what they want and they don't care who they hurt. hell, most of em seem to love it
and even when you
really hope that there's something left in them that cares
that's the way that you remember it
there's not
there wasn't anything left in my dad when I
and after what he'd done
[The raw wound he keeps carefully out of his field of vision pulses painfully.]
you may be the devil or whatever but you're not like them
I didn't know you before you were like this but it must've either kept you the way you were inside or just made you kinder
but demons arent like that
and that's what I am, or at least a part of me
and you deserve to know exactly what that means too
[ it takes her a few minutes just to read it. she keeps losing track, tears welling up in eye after eye after eye and blurring her vision from a dozen different angles. but what he's trying to say is as clear as day.
it still takes her another thirty seconds to gather herself up enough to start typing. ]
i'm not a good person
but thank you anyway.
it means a lot that you think that.
[ she doesn't address large chunks of it. how could she? it's clear they're sensitive topics. he mentions his dad, and even though it's alien to her - the idea that the devil would just, hurt someone like that, and take them away instead of giving them everything they could be - she tries to listen. she tries to understand just what it is akira is going through. she's not any closer when she finishes, but at least she knows now. ]
maybe this is just another thing this place does.
we're all from different worlds already, right?
maybe demons are actually as bad as everyone says, where you're from
maybe angels are the good things in life and devils are the bad.
but that's what people say where i'm from, too.
and plenty of good people do terrible, awful things.
things i can't even think about.
is it really just demons that hurt people?
are you sure people really change that much?
did you change that much?
[ and she nearly leaves it at that. it's a lot to ask. but there's one last part she has to ask, because it's not right to leave off without it- ]
is losing control something you worry about?
is it something i can help with?
it still takes her another thirty seconds to gather herself up enough to start typing. ]
i'm not a good person
but thank you anyway.
it means a lot that you think that.
[ she doesn't address large chunks of it. how could she? it's clear they're sensitive topics. he mentions his dad, and even though it's alien to her - the idea that the devil would just, hurt someone like that, and take them away instead of giving them everything they could be - she tries to listen. she tries to understand just what it is akira is going through. she's not any closer when she finishes, but at least she knows now. ]
maybe this is just another thing this place does.
we're all from different worlds already, right?
maybe demons are actually as bad as everyone says, where you're from
maybe angels are the good things in life and devils are the bad.
but that's what people say where i'm from, too.
and plenty of good people do terrible, awful things.
things i can't even think about.
is it really just demons that hurt people?
are you sure people really change that much?
did you change that much?
[ and she nearly leaves it at that. it's a lot to ask. but there's one last part she has to ask, because it's not right to leave off without it- ]
is losing control something you worry about?
is it something i can help with?
I always get the feeling it's the mark of a good person to say something like that
[It wasn't just being some paragon, someone who never made mistakes, someone who never felt the dire impulses of base, petty, aggressive insinuations unbidden from somewhere within them. It was easy to assume that that was the core and essence of their being, that actively fighting such impulse and plastering over it with kindness that felt like a shoddy veneer was merely being deceitful.
But no one was perfect. What made a good person was self-awareness to see themselves at their worst and a conviction to try to be at their best. He struggles at that, too, and he still thinks of himself along the same lines that she does.]
maybe
I don't really think I've met a legitimate angel or devil
besides you, anyways
but yeah. people aren't usually that easy to pigeonhole, are they?
I guess it doesn't matter what kind of heart you have, it's more what's in it and what you do about it
[Those questions, though -
They tear at him. Ryo is asleep in the room, and so he cages the feelings within him, only allowing the silent streams of tears and not the choking sobs that wanted to chase after them. It hurt, aching in his chest.
His mind's eye plays it on a loop, the images of people shooting one another in the streets, frenzied by paranoia that the demons were among them, that they would do the same or worse. This isn't supposed to be what happened. He sniffs quietly, turning his face into his pillow to clear away some of the tears. They were supposed to come together, not tear apart.
Maybe people weren't what he thought they were, but... if that was true, what did he have left? What was the point of it all? What had they done?
No communication is sent from Akira for a while before he gathers enough composure to respond.]
I dont know, venus
I really dont
[For once he finds himself really happy no one could see him cry.]
sometimes
sometimes I zone out and when I come to I'm about to do something really awful and I don't know why
I've been able to stop myself, but
I do worry
I don't know
it was easier to deal with back home
I
uh
[The fact that she'd elicited some shred of empathy in him for demons needles at him, and he can't say it the way he usually would have.]
I fight a lot more back home. that usually helped a little
[It wasn't just being some paragon, someone who never made mistakes, someone who never felt the dire impulses of base, petty, aggressive insinuations unbidden from somewhere within them. It was easy to assume that that was the core and essence of their being, that actively fighting such impulse and plastering over it with kindness that felt like a shoddy veneer was merely being deceitful.
But no one was perfect. What made a good person was self-awareness to see themselves at their worst and a conviction to try to be at their best. He struggles at that, too, and he still thinks of himself along the same lines that she does.]
maybe
I don't really think I've met a legitimate angel or devil
besides you, anyways
but yeah. people aren't usually that easy to pigeonhole, are they?
I guess it doesn't matter what kind of heart you have, it's more what's in it and what you do about it
[Those questions, though -
They tear at him. Ryo is asleep in the room, and so he cages the feelings within him, only allowing the silent streams of tears and not the choking sobs that wanted to chase after them. It hurt, aching in his chest.
His mind's eye plays it on a loop, the images of people shooting one another in the streets, frenzied by paranoia that the demons were among them, that they would do the same or worse. This isn't supposed to be what happened. He sniffs quietly, turning his face into his pillow to clear away some of the tears. They were supposed to come together, not tear apart.
Maybe people weren't what he thought they were, but... if that was true, what did he have left? What was the point of it all? What had they done?
No communication is sent from Akira for a while before he gathers enough composure to respond.]
I dont know, venus
I really dont
[For once he finds himself really happy no one could see him cry.]
sometimes
sometimes I zone out and when I come to I'm about to do something really awful and I don't know why
I've been able to stop myself, but
I do worry
I don't know
it was easier to deal with back home
I
uh
[The fact that she'd elicited some shred of empathy in him for demons needles at him, and he can't say it the way he usually would have.]
I fight a lot more back home. that usually helped a little
or an honest one. haha
and
i think you're an honest person.
maybe not a good one? but that's good.
good people are usually kind of insufferable?
i'm glad you're not like that. you're too nice to be good
[ this is a dumb thing to offer. it's really dumb. but maybe it's what he needs. ]
you probably can't fight much here, right?
i mean, the devil's pretty strong.
a regular human probably couldn't do anything against you.
and
i think you're an honest person.
maybe not a good one? but that's good.
good people are usually kind of insufferable?
i'm glad you're not like that. you're too nice to be good
[ this is a dumb thing to offer. it's really dumb. but maybe it's what he needs. ]
you probably can't fight much here, right?
i mean, the devil's pretty strong.
a regular human probably couldn't do anything against you.
I think we got different experiences with good people but uh
thanks
[What kinda world has shitty good people in it? If that's the case, what's the alternative? He's starting to think maybe he'd just been projecting, to think they were from the same type of situation. Her world seems increasingly weird.]
not really
ryo thinks it's a bad idea to let people on to what I am
which I guess I agree with, even if it's a hassle
so even if I got to fight I'd have to appear human which means I can't really do much of anything
[Sometimes he feels like too much of something stuffed into entirely too small of a skin. Being able to at least transform a little today had been nice, in a way; being able to let out his wings, sharpen his claws. Now he's back to feeling pent-up again.
And being able to go full Devilman was pretty much completely off the table. A disappointment.]
thanks
[What kinda world has shitty good people in it? If that's the case, what's the alternative? He's starting to think maybe he'd just been projecting, to think they were from the same type of situation. Her world seems increasingly weird.]
not really
ryo thinks it's a bad idea to let people on to what I am
which I guess I agree with, even if it's a hassle
so even if I got to fight I'd have to appear human which means I can't really do much of anything
[Sometimes he feels like too much of something stuffed into entirely too small of a skin. Being able to at least transform a little today had been nice, in a way; being able to let out his wings, sharpen his claws. Now he's back to feeling pent-up again.
And being able to go full Devilman was pretty much completely off the table. A disappointment.]
was he that uh.
teal? cotton candyish? before
you said it was a poster right
wait your friend was kissing it???
teal? cotton candyish? before
you said it was a poster right
wait your friend was kissing it???
Hey, it's Amamiya. I don't know if you remember me from the first few weeks - voices in the walls? I called your wings creepy, but they were pretty cool, actually.
And I just wanted to ask you a few things about your party.
Moreso about Akechi Goro.
And I just wanted to ask you a few things about your party.
Moreso about Akechi Goro.
yeah! yeah, i remember you. :)
and don't worry about it. i'm glad you think they're cool now.
what do you want to know?
about akechi, i mean
and don't worry about it. i'm glad you think they're cool now.
what do you want to know?
about akechi, i mean
L1ST3N.
1 P1CK3D TH3 COLORS TH4T T4ST3D B3ST 4T TH3 T1M3.
BUT TH3 F34TUR3S SHOULD B3 R1GHT!!!!
SHOULD3R L3NGTH H41R
QU4DR4NT B34T3R SH1RT
W31RD B34RD P4R4S1T3 STUBBL3
TH3 4TT1TUD3 OF 4 STR33T TOUGH M4V3R1CK W1TH NOTH1NG TO LOS3
MY MO1R41L G1RLFR13ND BUT Y34H!!!
1 R34LLY SHOULD H4V3 L1ST3N3D CLOS3R TO H3R WH3N SH3 W4S T3LL1NG M3 4BOUT H1M BUT 1 UH
JUST SORT OF
TUN3D H3R OUT........................
FUCK
G1V3 M3 4 S3C 1 GOTT4 S33 WH4T 1 C4N R3M3MB3R 4BOUT H1M
1 P1CK3D TH3 COLORS TH4T T4ST3D B3ST 4T TH3 T1M3.
BUT TH3 F34TUR3S SHOULD B3 R1GHT!!!!
SHOULD3R L3NGTH H41R
QU4DR4NT B34T3R SH1RT
W31RD B34RD P4R4S1T3 STUBBL3
TH3 4TT1TUD3 OF 4 STR33T TOUGH M4V3R1CK W1TH NOTH1NG TO LOS3
MY MO1R41L G1RLFR13ND BUT Y34H!!!
1 R34LLY SHOULD H4V3 L1ST3N3D CLOS3R TO H3R WH3N SH3 W4S T3LL1NG M3 4BOUT H1M BUT 1 UH
JUST SORT OF
TUN3D H3R OUT........................
FUCK
G1V3 M3 4 S3C 1 GOTT4 S33 WH4T 1 C4N R3M3MB3R 4BOUT H1M
I mean, I always thought they were cool :) My friends tell me I'm a bit too understated, for what it's worth.
[ Outside of the Metaverse anyway. But that's a topic for another day if they get that far. ]
This might seem out of the blue, but he comes from the same world as me and a couple others so we try to keep in touch.
Problem is he's been a little avoidant bc of some personal issues, but he started texting me at your party and he seemed... out of character? Not as reserved, I should say.
I don't really care what he gets up to as long as he's being safe, but I wanted to ask
is he all right?
[ Outside of the Metaverse anyway. But that's a topic for another day if they get that far. ]
This might seem out of the blue, but he comes from the same world as me and a couple others so we try to keep in touch.
Problem is he's been a little avoidant bc of some personal issues, but he started texting me at your party and he seemed... out of character? Not as reserved, I should say.
I don't really care what he gets up to as long as he's being safe, but I wanted to ask
is he all right?
maybe? i don't know.
good's just kind of overloaded as a word. haha
[ she takes a moment to think about what she's saying. and she can think of a lot of reasons to not say it? but... none of them are as compelling as helping akira out.
so there's another pause, much smaller, before- ]
so...
you'd probably only be able to fight another devil. right?
good's just kind of overloaded as a word. haha
[ she takes a moment to think about what she's saying. and she can think of a lot of reasons to not say it? but... none of them are as compelling as helping akira out.
so there's another pause, much smaller, before- ]
so...
you'd probably only be able to fight another devil. right?
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